A Comment Tageschance
When we considder the word Parents, we think of a Mother/Father figure who play the role of Athority and yet Trustworthy Persons. We think of Security and Parential Guidance. We think of Unity and Oneness. We think of Love and Care.
All these things do we think of when we think of Parents, it's like being part of something great, something Wonderfull, it give' s a feeling of Reliance and a sertain feeling of Pride being part of a group wether be it a group of three or more Persons.
Let's imagine, how Parents meet and comes together to build a Family.
As it is written in the Epistles of John in the New Testament as John said: In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God, the same was in the beginning with God.
Take this statement and considder the way how Parents come together and build Families, one could actually considder their Parents as a Godly figure, am I right?
Just imagine two persons get to know each other by saying „Hallo.“ This is the first word. Then it goes further and as they get to know each other better, then falll the words, „let's have Children and have a Family!“ Children are then borned and a Family is built. Just imagine that all this began with the word. In this case it's like word/taught/deed.
The Woman carries the Child in her 9 Months long before it is borned. In this period of time, the Child experiances almost everything what the pregnant Mother is experiancing in her daily life during the pregnancy and therefore all these experiances will play a very important role of that Childs life when it is born and it's growing up.
Psychologically seen, the Child almost know's what to expect in the Family in which it is borned. It feel's itself Intigrated into the Family and see's itself as a significant figure in the Family. The Child always see's itself as the Midiator between Mother/Father, and if anything should go wrong between Mother/Father, automatically the Child take's the blame upon itself and give itself the blame for the conflict between the Parents. It is then Inspired to do everything to bring Unity back into the Family so that Mother/Father can continue a Harmonious together being as a pair.
The Child don't expect that Parent's are grown individuals who follow their own individual intrest, and yet seem's to be a whole during the duties of the Parentship or as a Family. It only see's the Identity of it's role as a part of something wonderfull. This Wonderfullness is the Joy Shared between the group when all is Harmonius. This Joy is, when the Child crie's and the Mother/Father hold it in bed and places it between both of them, here is where Security and Love dweel's, Warmth and Tender Kindness and Care.
It is neccessary that the Parents leave their Personal intress wich is often committed with the desire to accomplish an Ego which could cause disturbances in the family. For an example: If a Father love's to drink and stay out late, though knowing that the Mother is left alone at home with the Child and all the other household work what must be looked after, and dont help her or should give all the money out to keep his friends around him, This shall surely bring disturbances within the Family and one day they would be a protest where they would be shouting and brawling which shall set the feeling of the Child in an Asymethric situation which, could be difficult for it to understand and to cope with. The Mental orientation of the Child is disturbed and the Child feel's itself lost in the multidude of words comming from each Parent towards eachother and the intensity of loudness with what these words are being spoken. The Child won't find itself anymore in the Family and therefore it trie's to speak out to say Stop! And if there's no reaction comming towards the Child, then it remains lost and not belonging to the Family anymore (this is a Psychological think wise of the Child even when it know's that it belongs to the Mother/Father/Family).
First after the conflict and one of the members remembers the Child and take it to them, first then would the Child believe that it is being heard and show's it's contribution as Child unto the Parents in return. Nevertheless the Child is scared because of the intensity of words and loudness and is now more vigilant to see how often such behaviour's shall occure in the future.
Because the Child is still in it's youth and have no experiance of what life is like as grown up's, but know's only the Child World in which it lives, doth it try to take the Parents to this World. What is the Child expecting from the Parent's by this doing? It is expecting that the Parents even when grown up's, Sacrifice their Athority for that moment and become a Child as it is, sowith could the Mother/Father see through the Eyes of the Child and therefore Adjust themself to more Harmony and Understanding for that what the Child is trying to Transmit over unto the Parents.
To understand the Transmition of the Child, must the Parents remember what it was like as they were Children. Hopefully you haven't forgotten this. It makes it easy for both Parent's and Child for a uncomplicated relationship.
Being Parents, we are challanged to step over our shadows and to be compromising towards eachother, to be Democratic and Liberal as Athority Figures and not as Tyrans as some Parents see's themselves and practices it in the Family. Democratic as to listen to each other and after considdering the Advantages and the lost of an Idea, then to choose with interest of the Family whereas the Child Profit's from the dicision that was made. This is the compromising part of it. The Liberal part of it, is to accept the role of the individuals and to these roles dued Respect to offer.
What is the Role of a Good Mother? She is the Center Pole of the Family. As Sri Sathya Sai Baba would say: The Woman is the Stabilization of the Family and of the Whole Soceity. She must Respect here Role as a Person of Integrity and know her Womanhood as a Nature of Self and Respect this Womanhood. She is Dignifying and to be Respected and Helped by the man in all her duties. She brings Honour and Glory unto her man and the Family because of her Motherly Grace towards her Family and towards others. She see's to it that her man have no need to seek an other because she provides him with the Joy of all his Dreams. The most of the woman wishes to find the Perfect man and forgets that she is the Person uho makes the Perfect man. Shape and Bake your man the way you want him to be my dare. Make him understand that you are the wish what he so long dreamt and wished for. Make him Happy and give him Reason always wanting to come home. Give him the feeling that he was born for you and there is nothing in the World that is as significant as you are. When he comes home from work, have his meal finished, have his cloths washed and pressed, look after the household that he can see his home as is Palace and not a Motelroom. Give him his freedom that he can go but do this that he won't go for long, seeing that every second where he is gone, it must be for him as if it is a year and therefore hurries to be back home to the one who he Loves and who Loves him so darely that he would move all obsticles out of the way just to get back to you. Who are you? You are the Joy of his Life and with you and in you he can Identify himself as an individual and much more as a part of something Great (a Family). Don't see it as too much when you have to play this Role, seeing that someone have to do it anyway, but be Happy to do it and do it with Pleasure. If there is a problem to be discussed, don't do it before the eyes of the Children, and not where they can hear it, but do it where the Child is freed from this conflict seeing that the Child won't understand what is going on. If there is as missunderstanding between both of you don't choose sides and try to convince the Child that you are the better Parent while the other is bad. Always speak good from the Father before the Child, seeing that the Child see's the Father as a Respect Person wether or not there is a conflict. If you should try to convince the Child that the Father is bad, very soon the Child would feel the same thing about you by the first mistake you shall make and then you will need to explain why you've done it and convince the Child that you are not a bad parent.
What is the figure of a bad Mother? A Woman who haves everything with what she could build and look after her Family, but for what ever reason neglet's these opertunities and believes that she can continue as if she was single and had no Responsabilities. This is a bad Mother, for by this doing she set's her house on fire. First of all, the Child becomes less attention, the father is then angry and the Family breaks apart. The Children in such situations becomes wareward Children, seeing they learned it from their Parent and being seen as an athority and Respect Person in the eyes of the Child, the Child would automatically do just what it see's the Parent's are doing.
Surely there are Parents who grow their Children up without a Father for what reason ever, and the Mother must go out to seek a job (sometimes an unmoral job) to maintain the Family. She is then day and night on the move to suply an income to keep the Family together and that even they as Children can be Garanteed a good youth with Education and Health care and a Balanced Nutrition and a proper Shelter. All these Prinzipial Basic Necessities of Life what is so Essential for every Person, doe's she try to suply. She's not a bad Woman, but a Good one!
The bad woman Provokes her man so that he get's angry and wanting to hit her, even when it is a Disgrace, a man who beats his woman! Still she is loud and aggressive and have no respect for herself. She is seen as the Bitch who's intrest is only her leasure and pleasure and no attention for what is going on in the Family. She talks all day from morning until midday on the Phone with her friends and when the Children comes from the school, the lunch is not finished. She is loud and aggressive that her man hates to come home, because he fears to be slapped in the face or to have the feeling not to be wellcomed after a hard day of work. In such cases the man seek's an other woman with whom he can complain over her, and in the most cases such other women may not be better, but because they lend an ear and listen and give advice, a relationship can develop for the other woman. Most of the time the man can't be blamed for the missunderstandings between him and his girl/wife, seeing that men think Logical while woman think Emotionally. In the man there is Understanding while within the woman dweels the Wisdom. Asked is the combination of both and a sence of compromizing to balance the conflicting situation. The man in himself must try to see through the focus of the woman to understand why she is always upset. Sometimes it's the fault of the man and he does'nt notice because of the fact that he is so intigrated in his life as an individual, that he've forgotten that he's now a member of agroup called a Family and now is the time tp pay attention unto the duties of Responsabilites as a Father and Husband/partner in the relationship.
Sometimes it could be that the woman is unhappy with herself and suffers from a lack of selfconfidence and therefore seek's herself by shouting or quarreling and always being unsatisfied with whatever the man may do. He could tell he how beautifull she is and how much he Loves her, but if she see's and feel's herself as ugly and therefore hates herself for what ever reason, that man could do what he wishes and say whatever he wan'ts, she'll never believe him because she dont see herself in her own eyes as her man is seeing her out of his. In such cases the man must be tollerant and be prepared to do Theraphy with his wife by simply letting her quarrel while he say's nothing and when she is finished, just take her in his arms and kiss her and tell her how Beautifull she is and how Happy it is with such a Beautifull person as she is to be together. Such a gesture breaks her Heart and sooth's the hardness of Heart and gives her Reasurance that she is not alone in this great big World, but that she have a shoulder on which she can lean on. The man must practice Compassion in such moments. If he also breaks out in shouting she gets only more angry and he also.
What is a bad man?: A bad man is one who cares not for the task what the woman have to carry as a Mother and a keeper of the household. He is always gone and is never at home. If he would go and bring back the Neccessities what is needed in the Family, then can one pardon his constant absence, but if he dose'nt, then he's just wasting time and that on the cost of the woman and the Family. A bad man/Father is he who leaves all the work to rest on the shoulders of the woman without regards of the burdens what she have to carry.
Such men are pure Ego and are still caught up in their youth and have never grown up. Such men are basically Puppits of their Illussionary fantasy of wanting to acheive to convince. At the most of the time such men are lost soldiers in a war agsinst themselves, seeing that they are on the journey looking to find out who they really are. In other words, they are still boy's.
The bad man beats his wife or girl and believes that he is a mighty soldier. Deep inside of such a Person would you find the greatest Fear if you could see into that Person's Heart.
The bad man is loud and aggressive because he have stop thinking. If he was to think and considder before he do, or before he speak, he would realize that before him standing is a Person of Respect and Dignity and no matter how hard the situation may be, still he is compassionate enough to listen and be gracefull in his reactions towards the woman.
The song sang by Bryan Adams, „To Love a Woman“ discribes the nature of the woman and he Posittion in the Relationship and without the Relationship as an individual.
What is a Good man? The Good man is he who cares for his Family. He is gentle and considderate and is prepared to do everything to help the woman. Be it in the household or in personal situations where the woman feels herself not taken seriouslly or even where she and her Personal conflicts with herself, all these he must see and try to help her whereever and whenever he can. The Good man shares the duties of the woman. He helps by cooking, by cleaning, by washing and hanging out the cloths, by taking care of the Children and by supplying the Income to keep the Family functioning. He Manicures and Pedicures the nails of his woman. He washes her feet and gives her a massage. he helps her by dying her hair. He helps her by baking and all such.
Through his Uprightness and Respect towards his woman is he a most Respected man amongst and in the community. The same way how the woman makes the man is the same way how the man can form the woman to be the dream of his Life. The Dream Woman and the Dream Man begins first when we make compromisses with eachother and fullfill the desires of eachother by being compassionate towards eachother during the relationship.
The Good man thinks of his girl/woman and brings he a Chocolate, or Flowers or a Kiss when he walks through the door and even if the day was so hard as devil, still he knows that it was a long and hard day, but at the end of the day there is someone who is just waiting to take him in her arms and lay him on her breast and releave him from the strainy day. She must also be prepared to do such. This build's up Trust and Confidence which every relationship needs to survive.
The Good man see's in his girl the Beautifull woman who he saw as he blicked her on that first moment. This Love and Beauty should never be demolished in the eyes of the man, less he would seek someone new. The Good man say's to his girl „I Love you today, just as much as I did yesterday, and every day this Love grows more and more.“ He gives her the feeling as if she is the only person in the room, by this doing doth he strengthen her selfconfidence. She in return, is prepared to do everything to keep this feeling alive.
What builds a Happy Family?
A Happy Family is made up of Compromizing, and Sacrifices, and Constant Constructive Conversations between each other, Openness, Fairness, Equality and Respect and Sharing Taughts and Ideas with eachother. Both Partners must see, and Considder and carry out the duties of their Responsabilities as a pair or as Heads of the Family.
The Pleasures that were Persued as Individuals must now be set back and the Priorities of together Living as a Pair or as a group must now be Implimented to maintain constant Harmony between all so that no one feels themself shut out of the group.
A Fundament must be laid upon which the young Family will build upon. Structures must be implimented which serves as rules and regulation being suitable and accepted by all to avoid conflicts and selfinterest of an individual seeing that one is no more alone but belongs now unto a group.
Democracy in the group is essential for the Understanding of the different attitudes of the individuals in the group. Every member must be taken as as a Vital organ in the group who's contribution is just as essential and Important as that of the others.
No one should feel or regard themselves as the overboss even when he or she may have this role in the Family, but it is important this view of thinking so that every individual find's themselves in the group and can bring in their own personal contribution which is respected and honoured by the others. Such develops and welds the group tighter together. Even more it teaches the Individuals to be Indipendant and strengthens their Personal Identity at home and abroad (Selftrust-Selfconfidence).
Respect towards eachother must have a central posittion amongst the group and this Respect must be Anchored in the group through Listening, and being Attentive to what is being said or asked in the group.
The group must transmit the feeling that nothing can disturb the Unity, seeing that every member is prepared to sooth the ach's and sorrows and pains of the others who suffer under such sercumstances.
The group must be One in the diversity of the many who is in the group and be able to identfy themselves even with the group aswell as those individuals who maybe journying apart from the group. This is for the simple fact, that when an individual leaves the gropu, that Person must have the feeling I Am Not Alone out here, I Have A Group To Whom I Belong's To!
We should'nt forget, that every individual who goes out to do it's duties, are doing it in the interest of the Group even when that Person is individually active. The Individual influences the reputation of the group even when he/she is individually out there alone until they've returned back in the group, is very important to be maintained.
Dignify your group by being Respectfull and Honest, Loyal and of GoodWill whereever you may go. The GoodWill that you practice out there shall return as good savings (Good Carma) for the group. Bad behaviour results as Bad Carma for the individual and eventually for the group.
Be Happy and be Joyfull and full of Confidence that all is Good and everything shall be Better!!!!!!!!!
Live in Peace and Harmony with eachother and Share the Love!!!!!!!!!
Namaskar Jah Love